Why has Christianity Forsaken Me?

I was raised when I was young in a small town Baptist Church and I relocated at age of 30 to Orlando. I tried to find a Church that we could call “home”. Ending up visiting numerous ones and found myself feeling lost when I got to the Church’s. Where do we go? Where do my kids go? No one tried to guide me, just felt lost and indifference, so I never returned.  I even had called various Church’s at other points in my life, when I was going through family problems and just needed a pastor to reassure me it would be ok.  I just wanted and needed to feel a good presence and pray with me. Was told from one Church after the other I would have to pay to speak with the pastor.  REALLY? I have to pay?  I assume because I wasn’t a member.  So that further pushed me away from the Church. I spent the next 10 years of my life trying to live my life with the good moral beliefs I was raised with. Follow the 10 commandments, try and live a good moral life.  I still longed for the presence of good Christians and the Church in my life.

I ended up losing my job because of the economy, lost my home to foreclosure and faced with homelessness with my children.  I had Christian friends, Christian family and Muslim friends at the time of these hard times for me and my children. Unfortunately, I found myself again pushed away by the Christians, including my Christian family. I was forced basically into the streets and what money we had was taken for their supposed help. The Muslims I found did try to help us the most with food, still checking on us weekly to this day.  But all I ever knew was Christian beliefs and longed for the Church like Jesus taught it was supposed to be.

I was finally fortunate to start an internship for a Christian business earlier this year and was the happiest I felt in so many years. I will be in the presence of “good” and my prayers I felt had finally been answered. I had the opportunity to work with Church’s and do good things for the community and help people in need. My Christian faith would be renewed, so I thought.  What better way to live and work. Then one of my duties was to call Church’s and pastor to offer any help that they might need.  Not to sell anything, just help. Boy was I rudely awakened, again. 

Out of the 250 Church’s I reached out to, I received 2 emails and spoke to two pastors directly, who were both very sarcastic and rude. The other 246 never returned my calls. I find myself again, feeling pushed away from Christianity. My feelings were hurt, how could they either not speak with me or speak so rudely to me?  I just wanted to help the ministry in any way, help others in need and I’m treated like this? My Manager didn’t want this to deter my feelings about the Church. It is like to trying to get through to the President and if you do he talks to you like you don’t matter. But this is the Pastors for Christ sake. Who do they think they are? They don’t know who I am. I could be on the verge of converting to another religion or not supporting Christianity anymore. I am ashamed and hurt by the majority of Christians, especially Pastors.   I know we all sin but is this really the way Jesus would have wanted you to act? There are good Christians I believe, but pastors have left a bad taste in my mouth. Forget me offering to help; forget me asking you for your help or guidance.  I will continue to help others who may need it, I will keep my same good moral values, but I will never forget the slap in my face and the way I have been hurt in my heart from my fellow Christians and Pastors. …I will also rethink the direction me and my children will take in our spiritual journey.